Playing Out The Metaphor

A while ago, I heard a good analogy that took on that old bullshit mentality that a woman who dresses provacatively is herself to blame if she is assaulted or raped. Because, hey, she's the one who decided to show off her body; men are mindless animals who can't help it if a woman turns them on. If she wanted men not to notice her, she should have covered her slutty ass up. *bitter sarcasm*

Anyway, the analogy went something like this, from a female POV: "Yes, I am dressed up in a way that shows off my body. I am advertising that I am looking for sexual attention. But like all advertising, there's a catch. If I ran a company and put up an ad that said I was looking for a manager, I wouldn't just let any fool off the street walk into my building and take the job. I'd have prerequisites and criteria that would have to be met if someone wishes to get hired. It's no different when I'm out at a party or a club or a bar. I'm advertising, but I get make the call on who gets the job."

Skimpy clothes =/= open invitation, fuckheads. Women want to attract men to them as much as men want to attract women to them, let us do it at our own discretion. But it just so happens that in our patriarchal society, the easiest way for us women to attract a man is to show off our bodies. What if men were expected to do the same? Let them feel the pressure to be lithe, chisled, muscular objects that we can leer at. Equal opportunity ogling! ;)

It's More Of A Fruitopia

Sometime back I was thinking in the shower (I get all my best revelations while in the shower, lathering my head with shampoo) and decided that it was impossible for a utopian society to last. The vision people have of a clean world with peace and prosperity is simply doomed because of one simple fact: people are not all good. Of course, people are not all bad either, but the fact that we range across both yin and yang within our species makes something like utopia a pipe dream. The world is full of good and bad, and it is our duty to accept and balance both, not to squelch one or the other out. That would cause... a disturbance in the force. ;)

I have a very Taoist approach to life sometimes.

To Our Sisters To The South

I wonder if I should take a moment to say something about the results of the midterm elections in America. I've never been very interested in politics, even of the Canadian variety. I know, very irresponsible of me. I guess I'm just a cynic at heart when it comes to politicians and the entire political process. It's easy to get disillusioned. But in any case, I am happy to see the Dems making the gains they are. It's very good to see them winning majority in the House. As for the Senate, I have a sneaking suspicion that the Republicans will win that one by a close margin, simply because the longer the decision making process takes, the more the conspiracy theorist within me jumps out and argues that dem corrupt Republicans are fudging the numbers for their own benefit. Like I said; I'm a cynic.

There is, however, one thing about these election results that truly makes me elated: Lady of the House, bitches. I'm referring to Nancy Pelosi making it as the first female House speaker. Frankly, it's about time. But they've come a long way, baby. ;)

(ETA: I was just informed that Rumsfeld has resigned. My friends seem to be quite happy with this turn of events.)

Still Undecided

I usually have an opinion one way or another about any given topic. But there is one particular item that I am totally undecided on: legalizing prostitution. I don't know what to think about it. Part of me wants there to be some sort of structure and support system for women who do work the streets, but another part of me wishes there weren't any women putting themselves in that position to begin with.

Another issue I have problems deciding on: sex. Typical Indian values + liberal opinions don't mix very well. I think I'm at the point where I would never judge anyone for being free and generous with their sexuality, but I won't judge someone for being strict and conservative about it either. It's a personal choice, really. I'm not going to begrudge someone's personal choice. There is no right or wrong with sexuality, like there is with something like racism.

There was this interesting discussion at work today at lunchtime. Near the end of the hour, it was all the younger folks (and my fifty something boss, heh) sitting around the table, talking about love, relationships, marriage, our generation, and the opposite sex. We came to a conclusion on why people our age just didn't get married (or stay married) like the older generations did; men and women aren't co-dependent on each other anymore.

Privilege And Rhymes

I was reading a friend's post where she linked to a couple lists of privilege, one for male privilege and one for white privilege. I read through both and it was amazing to actually recongize the advantages men have simply for being men. But it was reading through the list on white privilege that really made me think. Of course, I consider myself a racial minority within my present culture. But the list that was presented seemed to focus on the type of advantages someone who is white has over someone who is black, specifically. There's a certain balance when it comes to being an (South) Asian minority. I have faced enough racism in my lifetime but I can't help but feel that my experiences pale in comparison to the challenges faced in the black community.

Another reason I know my tolerance for Christianity has decreased over the years (bad bad Smitha): a story from my childhood. When I was in grade 5 our class took a field trip to one of those education activity campsite areas. One of the teachers who was accompanying us was a class favourite, a good guy who knew how to get down to the level of children but still be firm at the same time. Anyway, there was a large cafeteria where we gathered for all our meals, and when we sat down for the first dinner, the teacher shouted out: "Everyone sing Johnny Appleseed!" All 60 of us kids immediately belted out the song, claps included. I hadn't sang the song since I had left Newfoundland 3 years ago, and it made me happy to sing it again. What was more surprising was how everyone knew the song (Ah, public school; my classmates mostly came from homes where they weren't even sure what breed of Christian they were.) and it was a nice touch to the experience.

I would never sing Johnny Appleseed today. It wouldn't foster a sense of happiness within me. I'd be thinking, "Dude... stop pushing your god on me."

Oh the lord is good to me
And so I thank the lord
For giving me the things I need
The sun and the rain and the apple seed
The lord is good to me
Johnny Appleseed *clap* Amen.

Cultural Perspectives At The Tropics

I haven't updated in a long time! This is due to the fact that: A) work is very busy these days, B) I was on vacation for a while, and C) I'm staying with my parent's for a while and their computer has an inconsistent internet connection, as well as not having any of my Favourites.

Anyway, that vacation I was mentioning? I went some place tropical with the family. T'was all good fun. But there's nothing like a Caribbean beach to make you think about the differences in how women and men display their bodies. For starters, this particular resort was mostly stocked with people of Spanish and French background. Not your typical uptight North American folk. Needless to say, I saw enough boobies to make me desensitized for life. But it was strange... I wasn't offended or uncomfortable by any toplessness there. Whereas the last time I went to Miami, the topless girl running down the beach made me uncomfortable like whoa. At first I thought it was because my parents were there too. But my parents were here too and it didn't bother me one bit. Maybe it was because I was staying in a place with different social and cultural ideas when it came to nudity or lack thereof. I was in this whole "Meh, it's just boobies." state of mind. Must be one of those "When in Rome, be a Roman." things.

Another thing I thought about; the difference in men and women's bathing suits. Had this been North America, the little girls would have been in one pieces with little bows, the young ladies in itty bitty bikinis, and all the men in long, long, baggy man-shorts. As it turned out, most of the little girls wore near replicas of their mother's bikinis, and a sizeable chunk of men eschewed from the baggy, baggy, long man-shorts, wearing short-shorts or speedos instead. I'm not exactly sure what it all means. There's the question of whether tiny bathing suits unnecessarily sexualize young girls, and the question of why on the beach only women are encouraged to show off their bodies with tight fitting clothing and men are to cover up.

I'm just going to put that all aside for now and mourn the fact that summer is almost over :*(

An Increase In Rabidity

Haven't had much to say lately. I've been busy with work. And as a friend pointed out, it's hard to rant against the subtle effects of the patriarchy in western culture when you're faced with news of the Middle East imploding :(

Anyway. This is something that's been on my mind lately. When I was younger I used to think that men and women were really different in their actions and thoughts, and that those differences had to be respected equally. But these days (ever since my feminists epiphany) I have the impression that men and women are essentially the same and should be treated as equals. And my change in thought makes me wonder if I've become a more rabid kind of feminist somehow. Seriously. Back in the day I said something like "Women can't do the same things as men, but that's okay because women are just as good as men." Now I'm more likely to say "Of course women can do everything men do!! FUCK YOU! RARR!"

I guess my problem is that I've become less tolerant of gender roles. I used to have no problem thinking something like: "Yeah, women are more emotional and men are more courageous." But now I think logic like that is bullshit. It comes from the fact that someplace somewhere on the web, I read the sentence "The differences within the sexes is greater than the differences between the sexes." That statement really stuck with me. And now I can't look at scientific research articles that talk about differences in brain activity between men and women without screaming "LIES! SECRETS AND LIES!" Sometimes I think that the media (and culture in general) like to talk about (and exaggerate) how women and men are different at their very cores. But I don't think they are. I just think we've been socialized to act different. Mostly. I'm a scientific and logical person by nature, and I can't ignore good scientific studies that show that, yes, there are some psycho-genetic differences between men and women. I don't quite trust those studies yet, but I can't ignore them either.

Mastery Of The Boob Tube

For your consideration: How Nice Guys Control The Remote at Pandagon. It's a great post that discusses men, women, and TV programming. It also touches on sports and that stupid Bravia LCD commercial that some people may have noticed. The comments are really thought-provoking too. All in all, a nice chewy piece for us all to mull over when it comes to implicitly marking women as inferior.

The Perils Of Superficial Trappings

I'm not sure when or how exactly this happened, but these days I find myself less swayed to slather my face in makeup before I leave the house. The fact that I have mornings before work where I think: "Fuck it, I don't have patience for this foundation and eyeshadow bullshit." would have been unthinkable a few years ago, when I still in school. On the other hand, I find myself much more fashion conscious. I blame What Not To Wear for this condition completely. I remember how aghast and offended I was when I first watched the show. I had the same mentality that many of the unsuspecting victims of the show had; it shouldn't matter what I wear, clothing is superficial, comfort over appearence, etc. But after a while you see Stacey and Clinton's point: "Yes, it would be nice if people weren't judged according to how they looked. But the world doesn't work like that. Just... try out this new look for a bit." It's a more realistic perspective. And it takes into consideration that there's really nothing wrong with a wanting to look attractive. Feminism is about giving women choice and freedom without judgement. Both the woman walking around in track pants with a football AND the woman walking by with a skirt and a toy poodle could be feminists.

Still. The longer I think about sexism and racism and all the other -isms and where we're heading for as a sentient race, I can't help but think back to my social psychology class and come to the conclusion that we were Built To Be Bad. Biases, cognitive shortcuts, stereotypes, subconscious labels and attributes... our brains are just wired to do these things. There's no way to get around it.

There was a post I read somewhere on the internet where someone was describing how gender stereotypes manage to perpetuate themselves. For example, someone might say that girls naturally tend to play quiet games like dolls while boys run around and play rough. But it may be difficult for little girls to go around and play active games like boys when their parents stick them in frilly pink dresses and shiny black shoes and admonish them not to get their pretty clothes dirty. I was reminded of how when I was in grade 2, we had to do an exercise where we drew a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. I really had no idea what I wanted to do, but for the sake of picking something, anything, I picked a ballerina. Not even a year later was I already internally disgruntled that I had picked such a lame thing to be when I grew up. Something like firefighter or astronaut was more my style. I think I had even contemplated it. But as a seven year old girl (unconsciously) intent on conforming to gender stereotypes, the choice was inevitable :(

Our Neighbours To The South

Canada slams "ignorant" US comments on security

Here's the excerpt that really caught my attention...

Hostettler also lashed out at "South Toronto," which he said was "the type of enclave that allows for this radical type of discussion to go on."

Toronto is Canada's largest city, but there is no area known as "South Toronto." Crimes rates in the southern part of the city -- which lies on the north shore of Lake Ontario -- are relatively low.

*facepalm* Some of these politicians are quite well versed in making themselves look like utter morons. Kudos.

It's All About The Babies

Two items to discuss today: the statement released that all women are "pre-pregant" and should therefore constantly watch their health, and the religious controversy over the Da Vinci Code movie coming out.

The first item is one that I have given myself time to mull over, otherwise my response would have been nothing but angry ranting with lots of cuss words thrown in for good measure. I'm still gonna rant, but it's a tempered rant. The entire matter just pisses me off so much. Do you know what they're effectively saying? "All women ought to take care of themselves. Not because it actually matters if women live healthy and fulfilling lives; that's not important. What's important is they preserve the purity of their wombs, which is (as we all know) the primary duty of all females. What else are they good for, other than being incubators, nay, mere recepticles for The Almighty Fetus?" GAH! Just makes me want to go out and smoke a pack of cigarettes, just to stick it to them. My body, my life. It's too bad a good message about staying healthy got mixed up with such ridiculous sentiments. Why couldn't they have just asked doctors to worry about the health of all the people trying to get pregnant, men and women alike? Grrr...

With regards to the second item, well... I just don't get it. It's a movie. The way I see it, if the content of the movie bothers you because it goes against your beliefs, you should agree to disagree(1) and move on with your life. Because it's just a fucking movie. People can think for themselves, y'know. Fact and fiction are, in fact, easy to separate with this movie, as long as you think critically and use your brainbox(2).

1 - Subsequent to writing this post, I brought up the matter to my father, who brought up the very good point that Hollywood movers and shakers will never make a movie based on the Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie, or a movie that fictionally alledges that the Holocaust never happened. In my own happy little utopia, we'd be able to make both movies without a kerfuffle, but he did have a point about stories that cross the line, and I guess Jesus doesn't count.

2 - Unfortunately, this is not often the case, as you may have noticed. There are people who think that having the Titanic sink was a lame idea, or that Lord Of The Rings is a historical piece. I place the blame entirely on the fact that our society is a very safe one, such that Darwinian mechanisms are prevented from eliminating The Stupid from our gene pool.

Damn The Media Man!

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, mostly because I didn't have anything cohesive to talk about. But now I have more inspiration, courtesy of Twisty at 'I Blame The Patriachy'. She hit upon an item that had been bothering me as well: that stupid new song by singer Ne-Yo. I mentioned not liking the song to my sister, saying something like: "She's sexy when she gets mad? That's like a step away from rape." Yes, it may be a little extreme, but that's what you get if you extrapolate this bullshit mentality that a woman's outrage is nothing but another excuse for a man to fuck her. Ugh.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but I am utterly convinced that the writers of CSI have a biased opinion on women. And this is coming from a woman who counts CSI as one of her favourite TV shows of all time.

There are particular episodes that made me come to this conclusion, as not every episode deliberately disparages women. One is the episode where Catherine (the blond CSI) goes out to a bar, gets hit on by a guy who turns out to be too pushy, and said guy ends up a suspect in a subsequent investigation. The ending left a very bitter taste in my mouth, with Grissom chiding her and no one really offering support for her predicament. Seemed like the moral of the episode was: "Stupid Catherine, that's what you get for wanting to be flirtaceous and fun." Argh.

Another episode is the one where an Indian cab driver is beaten to death for hitting a kid with his taxi, but the kid was actually stabbed at a park earlier. It felt as if the writers were blaming the mother for all the bad things that happened. "If only she weren't so afraid of her abusive, stalker ex-husband, her older son and boyfriend would be alive, and her younger son wouldn't be going to jail." Fuckers!

There are other examples, but they aren't coming to mind right now. Despite all the asshatery, I love the show to pieces :)

It's The Media!

(WARNING: LONG, profanity laden post ahead! And a lot doesn't make sense!)

A few of my friends IRL have heard my opinion on the new song by Pink, 'Stupid Girl', but I think it bears repeating. If only for my benefit: seeing all my rambling thoughts in text form. For those who don't know this song, you can find the lyrics here. What the fuck (that's right, FUCK!) is with the censorship? *honestly puzzled* In the video, we have a little girl watching Pink on television. Pink does some obviously mocking imitations of Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, et al. and in the end the little girl looks at her dolls and playhouse on her right, then looks at her footbal and microscope on the left, grabs the football and runs outside to play.

Anyway, my biggest beef with this song came to me moments after I heard the song for the first time. Firstly, why the hell can't a woman can be feminine and girl and then be smart/powerful at the same time?! You know what? I love sparkly jewellery and shimmering nailpolish. I love perusing Sephora for eyeshadow that I clearly don't need. I love having a lipstick shade for every occasion. I truly and firmly believe that one cannot have too many shoes. And I love finding that perfect bra that makes my boobies look fantastic AND makes me feel fantastic. I mean, damn Pink! What's wrong with wanting to have a little doggie to carry around with you??

Note: I do realize that things like makeup and cleavege amplifying bras are tools patriarchal society uses to reduce women to nothing more than sexual objects. But a woman who doesn't mind being a sexual object from time to time should not be shamed into feeling she is wrong. Women and men both have sexual identities that have to be recognized, denying that is foolishness. But no one respects a whore, right? Which leads me to my second observation; the song perpetuates the time honoured tradition of turning women against each other. Girls who are into lipgloss and partying at the club obviously don't have any respect for girls who like to read books and and play ultimate frisbee. And vice versa, right? *BZZZT* WRONG! I do all four of those things motherfucker! I'm not even going to get on a tangent about how Christianity (and the virgin/whore complex) has seriously fucked up the world in perpetuating misogyny...

The worst part about the video is that is teaches the lesson that being a man is only way to succeed, the only worthwhile path to any respect. FOOTBALL! YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL! AND WEAR GRUBBY CLOTHES. Fuck that! Is that the only way to get respect? By being a man?? I thought the point of feminism was making sure that WOMEN were respected for what they were, not to weed out their "girlish qualities". If I ever have the chance to take part in a corporate takeover, I want to be able to wear sparkly silver stilettoes and a fluffy pink sweater without anyone saying a single word. I will kick your ass and I will look fantastic!

Fuck. If women (and men) would stop parroting the bullshit that male dominated society preaches, we could actually fix some of this shit.

Patriotism and Music

Let's switch topics: from gender identity to cultural identity. How many national anthems does the average person know? This is a question I'm honestly curious about. I know that here in Canada, a lot people know two... ours and America's. When I was in grade 6, I was in the choir and we were applying to sing the national anthem at a Blue Jays game. I think Toronto was playing Boston, so we had to learn the American national anthem for our demo tape. And the eventual performance, of course. And the writers of The Simpsons were right: the US national anthem is quite the battle-cry compared to our anthem. But I digress...

I can sing two national anthems with confidence. But as a small kid I often wondered if I should have learned the Indian national anthem as well. I can still remember when we as a family would attend these cultural functions with the singing and plays and music, and before each event started everyone would sing Jana Gana Mana. Well, all the adults would sing, at least. Us second generation kids, most of us no more than eight or nine years old, would look around sheepishly and try to blend in with our surroundings.

But I can hum the Indian national anthem! Does that count for anything? There are only three parts I know the words to: the beginning ("Jana Gana Mana", obviously), the part somewhere in the middle about the Yamuna and Ganga, and the "Jaya Hai" part at the end. Somewhere in the back of mind I can remember my dad telling me that there was no need for any of us kids to learn the Indian national anthem, because we lived in Canada.

As a parting thought, I do believe my favourite national anthem is the Bangladeshi anthem. It's beautiful and lyrical and picturesque. Then again, it was written by Rabindranath Tagore (the famed Indian poet), so it's no surprise that it sounds so poetic. Also, China most definately beats America out in the "battle-cry anthem" category.

Feminism And Sons

The best part about rediscovering feminism, for me at least, has been an unexpected surprise. To be succint, feminism has taught me how to raise any sons I ever have.

I've always had a general idea of how I would raise my daughter(s), even as a pre-teen. I'm guessing most of that has to do with the fact that I take my own life experience and extrapolate how to prepare a girl of mine for the world. But the thought of raising a boy has always bewildered me. Deep down, there was some part of me that feared that if/when I have a son, we would be completely alienated and I wouldn't know how to associate or relate to him. I don't know what life is like for a boy. But by seeing all the bad ideas and opinions men can have on women, I'm starting to get an inkling of how I do want to raise a son of mine.

A Brain Is A Horrible Thing To Waste

(Today is 'Blog Against Sexism Day'. This might not fit, but maybe I'll be inspired at a later time tonight.)

When I first started my undergrad, I often wished that there was an elective history course that explained how Europeans became the most influential group of people in the course of human civilization's progress. I recently got a decent answer sort of answer after reading Guns, Germs and Steel. Now I find myself wishing for a short course on the consistent development of patriarchy throughout all of earth's cultures. It's good that we discuss the current problems in today's society, but I am a curious person and always want to know why?

I'm currently reading an article on protective head-wear and turbans at work. It's interesting how it ties in with the Sikh issues in France that I was talking about yesterday. Here's an excerpt from the watershed 1985 Supreme Court of Canada ruling of K.S. Bhinder and the Canadian Human Rights Commission v. The Canadian National Railway Company:

"The Supreme Court of Canada ruled that where a bona fide occupational requirement can be proven to exist, an employer does not have a duty to accommodate the worker and the worker must meet the requirements in order to hold employment. Discrimiation, as defined in human rights legislation, did not apply in this circumstance but the employer had to be prepared to justify the requirement."

While the idea of making a Sikh man remove his turban makes me uncomfortable, I ain't letting anyone go down into a coal mine or a pulp & paper mill without a hard hat on. It's a case where my desire for human safety outweighs my desire to uphold religious traditions. I guess the same could go for my thoughts on how abortion laws are proceeding in South Dakota. At the least, there should be a point where human safety outweighs religious traditions. But there's a whole lotta difference between a turban and an abortion. And even then, when you argue with a Sikh man over whether he can wear his turban or not, at least you are arguing within the context of his religion. The decision made affects will affect other Sikhs. When the religious right argues about outlawing abortions, maybe they should argue that point on the behalf of Christians. They shouldn't foist religious beliefs on non-Christians as well, it strikes me as unethical. Plus, it just doesn't make sense.

Back to the issue of Sikh headgear, one thing I found interesting from the case is that the article states that Mr. Bhinder "was forbidden by his religion to wear anything on his head except a turban". But I used to know this Sikh guy back in undergrad and while his head was always covered, some days he would come to class with a touque instead of a turban. My reaction to this move was something like, "Heh, nice shortcut!" because stressed, sleep deprived students are all about making life easier by whatever means possible. I mean, according to my religion (or is that my caste?) on certain religious holidays I shouldn't eat onions or eggs. Lord knows what religious holiday that rule comes from! I have no flipping idea. But I bet Hindus living in India do. I guess when you're not immersed in the culture of your religion, it's easier to live life with loose rules.

Okay, now I'm just rambling like a crazy rambling thing. Ending post... now.

More Incoherant Musings

There's been something on my mind that's been bothering me. It's actually been bothering me for a couple years now. I don't know if other women can relate to me, but I need to say it even if I'm alone on this.

I hate being afraid of strange men.

I hate it with every fiber of my being. I shouldn't have to fear a statistical half the population, minus my male friends and family. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to men I have never met or spoken to. I shouldn't have to walk into a subway car and automatically ready myself for fight or flight when I see a man sitting a few seats across from me. I shouldn't have to shell out extra cash for a cab ride home when my class ends later than usual and campus is full of unfamiliar night course students.

But I am afraid. I live in a state of constant vigilance, as society teaches its women to be. The problem is two-fold. Firstly, most sexual assaults and rapes are committed by men that were familiar to their victims. Boyfriends, uncles, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. Yet this is not the threat that women are warned against. It's the mysterious stranger, the unknown pervert in the night that we must protect our virtue from, a creature so base and alien that most everyone will reject him from the human species. He is effectively cast as some shadowy threat of mythical proportions.

But the truth hits closer to home. By emphasizing the threat of the unknowable rapist, who is considered unfit for comparison with the rest of the human race, we forget that men who act as friends and family are the major culprits. Women aren't warned about this threat to the same degree. It's a classic "Us Versus Them" problem. "They" rape women in the night, while you're walking to your car. Be careful of "Them". "They're" bad people. But "We" will protect you from those bad men.

... And as soon as "We" rape one of you? Well, just keep your mouth shut. You know you wanted it. "We're" probably the best you could do anyway. It's not that bad.

Think about it? If a man attacks you in the street, you can file a report no problem (whether anything is done about it IS a problem, however). But if the charming fella you've been dating for a few months now suddenly comes on too strong and won't take 'NO' for an answer, what do you do? What if your husband won't take 'NO' for an answer? What do you do?

I hope you report it, show that you won't stand for it. But society only tell us that we should be afraid of strange men, not the friends and family who are supposed to protect and look out for us. So who knows what The System will make of you reporting this kind of violation of your rights as a human being.

So that's my randomness for the night. I don't expect much of it to make any sense. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the far-reaching tentacles of the patriarchy. To end off some food for thought. S.D. Legislation to Ban Most Abortions; I'm not even going to touch this can of worms because many others have already said what I want to say, and much more eloquently as well. As well, France Says Sikhs Must Remove Turbans; I'm not even Sikh and the idea of forcing Sikhs to remove their turbans makes me very uncomfortable and appalled. And to think, here in Canada we're letting Sikh children bring their kirpans to school! France, you disappoint me.

Past Crashes With Religion

There are so many things about me that I feel compelled to categorize and analyze. Being a feminist, being pro-choice, being an NRI, being an introvert. Sometimes I find myself increasingly confused when trying to reconcile being liberal and embracing Indian traditions. Western and eastern values don't usually match up very well.

Even though I'm Hindu, I went to a Catholic high school back in the day. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal; I knew my heart was with my own religion and I could easily fake my way or detach myself in matters of religion when necessary. I actually did pretty well in my religion classes, always As, much to the amusement of my classmates. All I had to do was memorize the information the teachers gave the class about sacraments and history and I was good as gold.

But there were times when it was hard. My biggest challenge was hearing the morning prayer every day after the national anthem. In the beginning it was easy to not take it seriously, to just stay standing with the rest of the class and hear the chaplain speak over the PA system about The Lord. Eventually, it started getting to me. So much that I developed a sort of reflex aversion to certain aspects of Catholicism. My relfex aversion was probably due to a culmination of events, the sum of the numerous times Christianity has worked at making me uncomfortable. I'll get to that later. But anyway. There was something too... penitent about those morning prayers. Penitent and reserved at the same time. And it was very (pardon by bluntness) "white". Every time I watch a black congregation or a black preacher, I feel a guilty kind of pity. Pity that somewhere in the far distant past, missionaries or dire circumstances required that these people had to convert to Christianity. I feel the same way about Christian Indians as well. "Man, sucks that those Portugese missionaries converted your poor and undereducated ancestors all those years ago." But if their religion brings them so much happiness, why should I feel pity? Why should I feel like Christianity is a cruel punishment inflicted on those who knew no better?

What's the point of all this rambling? The point is that I am constantly struggling to see the good in Christianity. My religion teaches that all religions are equal and valid paths to god, and that all religious traditions should be respected. But it's hard to respect a religion that has hurt me personally in the past. I remember when I was 7 years old an older girl (maybe 9 or 10) asked me what church I went to. I told her I didn't go to church, because I wasn't Christian. I went to a temple instead. I was Hindu, like my parents who had come from India. She screwed her face at me disdainfully. "No. You're Christian. You have to be. Everyone who moves to this country has to become Christian." Well, I knew that wasn't true, of course. But I just bit my tongue and wondered why she would think something so crazy.

When I was doing my undergrad I lived with a religiously diverse group of people: two Hindus, one Catholic, one Christian, and one Jewish girl. Even before we started living together, and while we did, religious discussions would pop up every now and then. There are two specific memories that stand out in my mind. The first was how the other Hindu girl in our house tagged along with some friends to a Catholic mass, to "see what all the fuss was about". The other memory is the Catholic girl explaining how after revealing she's a practicing Catholic to acquaintances, she would often be accused of Bible-thumping, ignorance, close-mindedness, religious asshattery, and the like. It bothered her that people would automatically stereotype her as a "Christian fanatic" before getting to know her.

I know I've seen the beauty of Christianity and real Christians. My born again Christian former housemate is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met in my life. We all agreed that she was the rock of our house, the calm and stable one who took life in stride and lived well. I may not agree with her beliefs, but I truly respect her as a person. Maybe that's all it will take to change how I think.

A Motion Towards Change

I am thinking of changing the focus of this blog from my general life affairs to concentrating on issues that are personal to my own life, such as women's rights and issues faced by young NRIs. Of course, there's always the danger that discussion what I experience while on the job could work against me... I'm unsure right now. I think I might give it a shot.

I'm On A Feminist Rampage

I was just pointed in the direction of this blog called Bark/Bite, written by a male liberal feminist... he's pretty damn awesome. And this post just made my day: Differences Between Sexes. It just rocks my world.

I have more! There's Amanda's blog Pandagon and Twisty's I Blame The Patriarchy for your enjoyment. Amanda's blog is quite popular on Ye Olde Intrawebe. Twisty's posts are especially full of that tasty tasty scathing sarcasm we all know and love.

Think critically and enjoy :)

In other news, there is a red welt on my hand, on the skinweb that connects my thumb to my index finger. Yesterday there was a small bump there, no colour or anything. I have no idea where this bright red welt came from. It doesn't itch or anything. And to be honest, the angry red has faded since this morning to a fainter colour. I'm minorly concerned and vaguely puzzled about the thing. I suppose this too shall pass.