When I was in grade 8, a new family moved into the house around the corner. They had three girls, one a grade younger than me, one two grades younger than me, and one in grade 4. The oldest daughter was super nice and fun to be around, and quickly became a good friend of mine. Not only did we hang out on our street, we hung out at school as well, when we could. At school, her middle sister had her own friends and social life so I didn’t interact with her much. But the youngest sister, for some reason, fixated on me in a not-very-nice kind of way.
In some ways, this child bullied me, replete with physical attacks, stealing my stuff, and generally a disrespectful attitude. But she was just a child, my friend’s little sister, and I was older than her, so calling it bullying doesn’t feel entirely accurate because there was still a power differential between us. She picked on me because she saw that I wouldn’t retaliate. I didn’t retaliate because you can’t roundhouse kick a nine year old in the face. But mostly, I didn’t retaliate because she didn’t really have any power over me. Her actions were cruel, but she was more like an awful little sister than a bully.
All that changed about 3 months after being subjected to her tiny tyrannical nonsense. It was the end of the school day, we were all lined up in our respective bus lines waiting to go home. I was talking to the oldest sister when the youngest sister came up to me and started her usual routine, giving me glares, kicking my schoolbag. At one point she ran at me and shoved me out of the line, causing me to nearly tumble to the pavement. She’d done this before, but for the first time she’d made the mistake of doing it right in front of a teacher. The teacher (who knew me for the quiet, mild-mannered A+ student I was) immediately started yelling at the youngest sister, but before she could carry on for too long I got back in line and said “no no, it’s alright, she’s my friend.”
The moment I said those words... I can still remember the look on that kid’s face. It was shock and shame and realization all at the same time. The teacher didn’t exactly stop, but eased her tone to something less angry. But regardless, the lesson had been learned. I could see exactly on her face what that little girl was thinking, I’ve been relentlessly mean to her and she’s saving me from being punished... I have done her wrong.
From that day forward, I had nothing but that child’s cheer and kindness, she was all smiles and boisterous sweetness whenever she saw me. And I remember thinking, this is why niceness matters, this is why you don’t fight fire with fire.
It’s only recently that I remembered this incident (it happened 20 years ago after all) and realized that it’s been a huge factor in shaping my personality. When I eventually went to high school later I employed the same tactic against legitimate bullies with... less effectiveness. But I employed it all the same. You don’t fight fire with fire. And sure, none of my high school bullies ever had a moment of awareness like that little girl did, where they realized that I deserved better from them. But they did mature, gradually, out of their juvenile predilections. It wasn’t that they realized I deserved better, it’s that they realized everyone deserves better.
There's been a spike of hate and anger in the world lately, between the rise of Trump and the Orlando shooting and all the fallout in between. We can all agree that there's too much negativity and hate in the world, and not enough love and kindness. I remember Jack Layton's final message about hope, I remember all the truth that the Dalai Lama speaks upon, I remember teaching a kid about kindness, and I hope that I can show the world we can do better...
Showing posts with label theories on how to live a life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theories on how to live a life. Show all posts
Jun 15, 2016
Sep 1, 2014
Sloth Is My Deadly Sin
Lately I’ve been thinking about laziness. Which is apt, because thinking doesn’t require a lot of stamina, it can be performed using minimal energy and effort.
I’ve been thinking about my mp3 collection and how much harder it becomes year after year to seek out interesting and engaging music, it’s much easier to just switch on the radio every morning and bounce along to whatever the airwaves deems popular and therefore worth replaying every 20 minutes. It’s similarly just as easy to walk through your front door, plop on the couch, and press a couple buttons on the remote control to get passably entertaining drivel. It’s the very reason I’ve decided to cancel cable; the thoughtlessness, the mindlessness, was just killing me on the inside.
I’ve been thinking a lot about passion, and where exactly it went. When you’re a teenager, everything is a freaking crisis or mind-blowingly exciting. Things are tempered a little in your twenties, but instead of hyper-reacting to every situation, you develop an appreciative but mature appetite for life. Then I hit my thirties and it’s like I can’t feel anything anymore. Okay, that's a little maudlin of me, it's not like I'm dead inside. But I don’t obsess over the new tune I heard, my heart isn’t captured by a scene on TV or a passage in a book. I don’t find myself consumed anymore, not the way I used to be when a song or a TV show or a book or any hobby really would swallow me up and only let me go when my brain demanded I finally go to sleep.
I miss being interested and curious about things, exploring something new, expressing creativity through writing or singing or even just plain old imagination and daydreams. My life nowadays is more concerned with maintaining boring day-to-day responsibilities to myself; do the dishes, track your bills, buy groceries, plan that wedding, finish the laundry, get a good night’s sleep. There's no impetus for excitement and wonder anymore.
I’ve been thinking about my mp3 collection and how much harder it becomes year after year to seek out interesting and engaging music, it’s much easier to just switch on the radio every morning and bounce along to whatever the airwaves deems popular and therefore worth replaying every 20 minutes. It’s similarly just as easy to walk through your front door, plop on the couch, and press a couple buttons on the remote control to get passably entertaining drivel. It’s the very reason I’ve decided to cancel cable; the thoughtlessness, the mindlessness, was just killing me on the inside.
I’ve been thinking a lot about passion, and where exactly it went. When you’re a teenager, everything is a freaking crisis or mind-blowingly exciting. Things are tempered a little in your twenties, but instead of hyper-reacting to every situation, you develop an appreciative but mature appetite for life. Then I hit my thirties and it’s like I can’t feel anything anymore. Okay, that's a little maudlin of me, it's not like I'm dead inside. But I don’t obsess over the new tune I heard, my heart isn’t captured by a scene on TV or a passage in a book. I don’t find myself consumed anymore, not the way I used to be when a song or a TV show or a book or any hobby really would swallow me up and only let me go when my brain demanded I finally go to sleep.
I miss being interested and curious about things, exploring something new, expressing creativity through writing or singing or even just plain old imagination and daydreams. My life nowadays is more concerned with maintaining boring day-to-day responsibilities to myself; do the dishes, track your bills, buy groceries, plan that wedding, finish the laundry, get a good night’s sleep. There's no impetus for excitement and wonder anymore.
May 8, 2014
I Am Hugging My Emergency Fund Right Now (Or: Why It Pays To Be A Saver)
Fun has been cancelled for the indefinite future. Just as I was feeling a little bit of financial freedom and security and control, I’ve been hit with the double whammy of health issues and car issues. Nothing tragic, I just need to get a root canal, plus all my tires are bald enough to violate safety limits so I had to get all new ones. And get the suspension replaced. And other things that add up to a whopping load of cash.
The good news is that I have a whopping emergency fund for these exact situations, so lack of money isn’t an issue at all. It’s just that part of me wishes that money could have been used somewhere else. Like the wedding, or furniture, or a down payment on a house.
But in the end I have no one to blame but myself for incurring these costs. This isn’t fate striking me with bad luck. Whether we’re talking about teeth or transmission fluid, a little preventative maintenance goes a long way. I’ve definitely been lackadaisical about taking care of my health and car in the past. A co-worker actually bonked me on the head when I told her that instead of changing my engine oil every three months, I change it never.
Therefore, lesson learned. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Next on the list: try to find a good physiotherapist or deep tissue masseuse so that I don’t keep throwing out my back!
The good news is that I have a whopping emergency fund for these exact situations, so lack of money isn’t an issue at all. It’s just that part of me wishes that money could have been used somewhere else. Like the wedding, or furniture, or a down payment on a house.
But in the end I have no one to blame but myself for incurring these costs. This isn’t fate striking me with bad luck. Whether we’re talking about teeth or transmission fluid, a little preventative maintenance goes a long way. I’ve definitely been lackadaisical about taking care of my health and car in the past. A co-worker actually bonked me on the head when I told her that instead of changing my engine oil every three months, I change it never.
Therefore, lesson learned. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Next on the list: try to find a good physiotherapist or deep tissue masseuse so that I don’t keep throwing out my back!
Apr 10, 2014
Thrills and Chills
Despite being immune to such influences in my tween, teen, and young adult years, last night I realized that I’ve spent more time in a state of “scared by creepiness” these last 12 months than I have for the entire rest of my life. Is this something that happens as we get older? Are children simply immune to creepiness? I swear to god that “Elephants On Parade” sequence in Dumbo was plain old fun when I was a kid, instead of the disturbing creepfest I interpreted it as when I finally saw it again in my early twenties.
When I’m talking about the scare factor of creepiness, I’m talking about the sense of unease we get from things that are abnormal, off kilter, but in a seemingly understated/innocuous manner. It’s the sense of not knowing more, of only having a glimpse of the story. It’s finding a human-shaped burn mark on a wall. It’s the sound of a crying child when there is no child to be seen. It’s inanimate objects slowly following your movement through an empty room. Seemingly innocuous, and no harm done, but maybe... what if...
It’s the not knowing that creates creepiness.
But there’s actually a fine line between creepiness and wonderment. No one freaks out when Lucy finds the random lamppost in Narnia, that’s because the book is written with a sense of childlike curiosity. Tone and mood are huge influencers on whether something is plain odd or forebodingly odd.
The one thing that creeped me out as a child and that continues to creep me out to this day: the moon. I mean the full moon, especially when it’s low on the horizon and looks larger than usual. I have no idea why the low-hanging full moon creeps me out so much, it just does. SHUDDER!
When I’m talking about the scare factor of creepiness, I’m talking about the sense of unease we get from things that are abnormal, off kilter, but in a seemingly understated/innocuous manner. It’s the sense of not knowing more, of only having a glimpse of the story. It’s finding a human-shaped burn mark on a wall. It’s the sound of a crying child when there is no child to be seen. It’s inanimate objects slowly following your movement through an empty room. Seemingly innocuous, and no harm done, but maybe... what if...
It’s the not knowing that creates creepiness.
But there’s actually a fine line between creepiness and wonderment. No one freaks out when Lucy finds the random lamppost in Narnia, that’s because the book is written with a sense of childlike curiosity. Tone and mood are huge influencers on whether something is plain odd or forebodingly odd.
The one thing that creeped me out as a child and that continues to creep me out to this day: the moon. I mean the full moon, especially when it’s low on the horizon and looks larger than usual. I have no idea why the low-hanging full moon creeps me out so much, it just does. SHUDDER!
Nov 11, 2013
Six Reasons Why Living On Your Own Sucks
1. You can only ever carry two arms worth of groceries at a time.
2. No one to help zip you up in the back.
3. It's just you versus the spiders/wasps/centipedes/etc.
4. Can't get a second opinion on whether your outfit clashes or not.
5. "God I'm so sick I can barely move. Too bad that chicken soup won't make itself."
6. Minimum motivation to unf**k your habitat. Why clean when no one’s there to see it but you?
2. No one to help zip you up in the back.
3. It's just you versus the spiders/wasps/centipedes/etc.
4. Can't get a second opinion on whether your outfit clashes or not.
5. "God I'm so sick I can barely move. Too bad that chicken soup won't make itself."
6. Minimum motivation to unf**k your habitat. Why clean when no one’s there to see it but you?
Jul 6, 2013
#cornproblems
I’ve got some serious business to discuss today: corn on the cob. Shout out to @chotirani for forcing my hand on this issue. ;)
For as long as I can remember, I have always eaten corn on the cob one way and one way only: row by row. By which I mean horizontally. I have a very specific system.
So there you have it, my efficient and logical methodology for eating corn on the cob. You should all use it and if you’re not, rethink your corn eating lifestyle.
(I also probably eat corn the way I do partially because of a Bugs Bunny cartoon I saw as a very young child, where he ate his corn like he was a typewriter. Television, y’all. Just as influential as you imagined.)
For as long as I can remember, I have always eaten corn on the cob one way and one way only: row by row. By which I mean horizontally. I have a very specific system.
- To start, I pick a spot in the middle of the cob and take a bite that encompasses 4 rows of kernels, no more and no less.
- Following the first bite, I eat the rest of the rows to the right of the initial bite, then the rows to the left of the initial bite.
- Then I rotate the cob clockwise and take another bite from the middle (again 4 rows wide) and repeat step 2.
- I repeat step 3 two more times and always just two more times because for some reason, all corn is made equal. By which I mean there is always 4 × 4 rows of corn kernels in a cob. My method for eating corn is mathematically sound.
So there you have it, my efficient and logical methodology for eating corn on the cob. You should all use it and if you’re not, rethink your corn eating lifestyle.
(I also probably eat corn the way I do partially because of a Bugs Bunny cartoon I saw as a very young child, where he ate his corn like he was a typewriter. Television, y’all. Just as influential as you imagined.)
Jun 19, 2013
The Conscientious Shopper
This past Friday evening, I was out shopping for a Father’s Day present after work. I didn’t find what I was looking for, and I could have just gone straight home after that but it was payday, so I thought there’d be no harm in looking for some new clothes. I ended up wandering into Dynamite and heading to their sales rack. I found a very cute black belted dress with tiny white polka dots there, and it was marked down big time! So I took it to the dressing room, hung the dress up, and started undoing all the buttons so that I’d be able to try it on. But as I undid the buttons, I glanced up to the tag and froze at what I saw.
“Made In Bangladesh”
After a moment of paralysis, I slowly backed away from the dress and contemplated it. After the collapse of that factory building, I’ve developed a distaste for clothing from Bangladesh. But it was pretty and affordable; did I still want it? I decided the answer was no. I didn’t want to support cheap third-world clothes, and besides I didn’t need a new dress. So I touched up my makeup in the mirror and walked back out of the dressing room.
In an ideal world, I’d only buy products that were made in Canada. But Canada isn’t really a manufacturer of clothes, and when they do it’s usually out of my price range. But I still buy clothes that are made in China even though the same situation as Bangladesh is probably playing itself out there too. It’s hard to figure out what the right thing to do is.
“Made In Bangladesh”
After a moment of paralysis, I slowly backed away from the dress and contemplated it. After the collapse of that factory building, I’ve developed a distaste for clothing from Bangladesh. But it was pretty and affordable; did I still want it? I decided the answer was no. I didn’t want to support cheap third-world clothes, and besides I didn’t need a new dress. So I touched up my makeup in the mirror and walked back out of the dressing room.
In an ideal world, I’d only buy products that were made in Canada. But Canada isn’t really a manufacturer of clothes, and when they do it’s usually out of my price range. But I still buy clothes that are made in China even though the same situation as Bangladesh is probably playing itself out there too. It’s hard to figure out what the right thing to do is.
Apr 19, 2013
Blog Topic #10 - Somebody Has To Say It
The best way to enjoy life, to truly see it for the beauty it holds, is to live in the present.
When we live in the past, we’re focused on what has already happened and cannot be changed. We fixate on mistakes made, words we wish we could take back, ways we were wronged. Living in the past will keep you depressed and angry.
When we live in the future, we become focused on the unknown. Life isn’t easily predicted or controlled, there are no simple outcomes, and fate likes to throw us curveballs too. Living in the future will keep you anxious and unsatisfied.
But when we live in the present, when we stop and contemplate the moments passing us by at this very second, the small grandeurs of the universe are revealed to us. We have weathered tempests and arrived. We are exactly where we are supposed to be.
So for today, if only for today, don’t dwell on what has passed and don’t fret about what is yet to come. Today is a gift, enjoy it. :)
When we live in the past, we’re focused on what has already happened and cannot be changed. We fixate on mistakes made, words we wish we could take back, ways we were wronged. Living in the past will keep you depressed and angry.
When we live in the future, we become focused on the unknown. Life isn’t easily predicted or controlled, there are no simple outcomes, and fate likes to throw us curveballs too. Living in the future will keep you anxious and unsatisfied.
But when we live in the present, when we stop and contemplate the moments passing us by at this very second, the small grandeurs of the universe are revealed to us. We have weathered tempests and arrived. We are exactly where we are supposed to be.
So for today, if only for today, don’t dwell on what has passed and don’t fret about what is yet to come. Today is a gift, enjoy it. :)
Nov 30, 2009
Something I Came Across
Not gonna lie, I'm just posting this list because #7 made me laugh so hard. ;)
Tips for a Better Life by Rory Freedman
With 2 million books sold, Rory has taught us how to eat better. We’ve asked her for tips on how to live better, based on her own life experiences. Here are Rory’s top twenty ways to make every day shine brighter...
1. Don’t say "yes" when you mean "no". It’ll make you resentful. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. When driving, if someone wants to get in front of you, let him in front of you. And do it with a smile. It’ll make his day better, and it’ll make you feel good. You just changed the world.
3. Try to make a gratitude list each day. Include big things and little things. Invite your friends to make their own lists; you can all email one another each day, sharing your gratitude.
4. Don’t be a problem solver when a friend just wants you to be a listener.
5. Call your parents or grandparents. Sometimes, a five-minute phone call is all they need to feel loved.
6. Be a good neighbor: Be considerate inside and outside your home/apartment so your noise doesn’t bother those around you. That includes opening and closing your front door quietly.
7. Pee in the shower. If we each did this once a day, it would save an enormous amount of water and toilet paper (trees).
8. Write a "fan letter." Tell someone you know, or someone you’ve never met, why you admire him or her. You’ll make someone’s day.
9. Curb your jealousy. Be happy for others.
10. Be willing to be wrong. If someone has a grievance with you, really try to see her point of view. If called for, apologize. It’s hard to do, but it feels really good and makes life so much easier.
11. If you are in a room with someone you don’t know, introduce yourself right away. It takes away the social discomfort immediately.
12. Pick a cause close to your heart, and get involved. You don’t have to quit your job and dive in headfirst. Just get involved on some level and do what you can when you can. Go slightly beyond your comfort zone but don’t overextend yourself.
13. Be a good friend to your friends. Tell them what’s good about them, that you appreciate them, and make the effort to spend time with them.
14. Go vegetarian. Animals raised and slaughtered for food suffer immeasurably. Visit GoVeg.com for a free vegetarian starter kit.
15. Do your best to think good thoughts. They affect your health, happiness, and the people around you.
16. Do something frivolous for someone you love. (It doesn’t have to be extravagant.) It feels so good to do nice things for other people, it’s almost selfish!
17. Practice accepting compliments. The person complimenting you is giving you a gift. Receive it graciously, even if it is difficult.
18. Be generous with your compliments. Don’t blow smoke up anyone’s ass. Just say nice things when they occur to you.
19. Forgive those who have wronged you. Holding onto anger and resentment poisons your body and your life. There are no benefits in staying mad. Let go. It’s okay.
20. Forgive yourself. It’s okay to be imperfect and to have made mistakes. Try to do better, that’s all.
With 2 million books sold, Rory has taught us how to eat better. We’ve asked her for tips on how to live better, based on her own life experiences. Here are Rory’s top twenty ways to make every day shine brighter...
1. Don’t say "yes" when you mean "no". It’ll make you resentful. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. When driving, if someone wants to get in front of you, let him in front of you. And do it with a smile. It’ll make his day better, and it’ll make you feel good. You just changed the world.
3. Try to make a gratitude list each day. Include big things and little things. Invite your friends to make their own lists; you can all email one another each day, sharing your gratitude.
4. Don’t be a problem solver when a friend just wants you to be a listener.
5. Call your parents or grandparents. Sometimes, a five-minute phone call is all they need to feel loved.
6. Be a good neighbor: Be considerate inside and outside your home/apartment so your noise doesn’t bother those around you. That includes opening and closing your front door quietly.
7. Pee in the shower. If we each did this once a day, it would save an enormous amount of water and toilet paper (trees).
8. Write a "fan letter." Tell someone you know, or someone you’ve never met, why you admire him or her. You’ll make someone’s day.
9. Curb your jealousy. Be happy for others.
10. Be willing to be wrong. If someone has a grievance with you, really try to see her point of view. If called for, apologize. It’s hard to do, but it feels really good and makes life so much easier.
11. If you are in a room with someone you don’t know, introduce yourself right away. It takes away the social discomfort immediately.
12. Pick a cause close to your heart, and get involved. You don’t have to quit your job and dive in headfirst. Just get involved on some level and do what you can when you can. Go slightly beyond your comfort zone but don’t overextend yourself.
13. Be a good friend to your friends. Tell them what’s good about them, that you appreciate them, and make the effort to spend time with them.
14. Go vegetarian. Animals raised and slaughtered for food suffer immeasurably. Visit GoVeg.com for a free vegetarian starter kit.
15. Do your best to think good thoughts. They affect your health, happiness, and the people around you.
16. Do something frivolous for someone you love. (It doesn’t have to be extravagant.) It feels so good to do nice things for other people, it’s almost selfish!
17. Practice accepting compliments. The person complimenting you is giving you a gift. Receive it graciously, even if it is difficult.
18. Be generous with your compliments. Don’t blow smoke up anyone’s ass. Just say nice things when they occur to you.
19. Forgive those who have wronged you. Holding onto anger and resentment poisons your body and your life. There are no benefits in staying mad. Let go. It’s okay.
20. Forgive yourself. It’s okay to be imperfect and to have made mistakes. Try to do better, that’s all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)