Cronut Be Damned! CNE Exploits 2013

For anyone living in Toronto, we all know that the CNE heralds the end of summer. I like to go every year to enjoy the sights and sounds and delicious foods of course. This year the big item was the vaunted cronut burger (for those not in the know, a cronut is the delicious conglomeration of a croissant and a donut) but alas, on the first weekend of the CNE opening 150 people got sick with Staph aureus from eating the cronut burger... eww.

But a little bacterial toxin never stopped me! So my friend and I braved the possibility to gastrointestinal distress and headed over after work last week.

First stop, the Food Building for dinner. Even though we had pre-decided that we would avoid any potential stomach issues by only eating vegetarian food, we quickly fell under the thrall of a restaurant called Bison that featured (you guessed it) bison meat. I bought the bison sausage while my friend bought the bison burger, then we split each in half and shared. I liked the burger better and she liked the sausage better.





After the main course it was time for desert! My friend got a dozen Tiny Tom cinnamon donuts and I got... a deep fried Mars bar! Let me tell you people, it was freaking delicious. Full of melty chocolate, warm caramel, sugar saturated goodness.



After that we walked around the International Exhibition (where my friend got distracted by really cheap Mavi jeans) and enjoyed the midway with all its lights and sounds and teenagers way too intent on winning giant stuffed Minions. ;)







And so we bid farewell to another all-to-brief Canadian summer. Until next year!

Nightvaleian Non-Nightmares

I think Welcome to Night Vale is finally getting to me!

Last night I had a dream that I was vacationing at a beach and some kids were jumping around on these giant rocks that were half-submerged in the lake. I was apparently kind of lucid dreaming because I knew that the two rocks furthest out in the water weren’t rocks, but were actually giant zombie water creatures. They looked like Lovecraftian whale-kodama if that makes any sense. Anyway the moment the kids jumped on the last rock, three or four of these creatures woke up and stood fully upright in the waters and started speaking in very cheerful English. They said they wanted everyone in the city to gather on the beach in the evening and they would set off fireworks and sing us the glorious ancient songs of their kind. Since it was a bit of a tourist city, lots of people were excited about this and started camping out on the beach. However, I was rooming with a couple of friends who had moved to the city two years ago and they knew that where they were from weird = bad. The beach house that we were staying in had a special room that I had never gone into, but I always noticed it because it had weird patterns and textured stuff on its door and the outer walls. So my friends were like “yeah no, when those things start singing, get in this room and don’t leave until the sun rises the next day.” And because I was kind of lucid dreaming, I knew that was because when the whale-kodama started singing, anyone who could hear it would go insane and their brain would dissolve and their skin would fall off. Swell.

So as the evening approached the creatures’ booming voices appeared again and they presented the fireworks without a hitch. At this point all the tourists were having fun outside and the locals had disappeared. Me and my friends were already holed up in the secret room, but it had a sliding glass door that opened up right to the boardwalk, so when we saw some frantic homeless locals freaking out we let them into our room of safety at the last minute. Then the whale-kodama’s started this weird humming/chanting type thing and all you could hear was terrible, terrible screams outside. However, in my dream this was not as nightmarish at it sounded; in true pseudo Night Vale-esque fashion, we spent some time getting to know the thankful hobos we rescued, and one of them even baked us a delicious hobo pie while we waited for the terror outside to end. Mmm... pie.

Not Like I’ve Ever Shopped There

There’s an article doing the rounds on Twitter regarding Lululemon having some internal practices that effectively shun plus-sized shoppers. The whole thing is pretty rage inducing even for me, someone who is not a plus-sized shopper at all. But in all honesty, Lululemon (and its ilk like TNA and Aritsia) have been raising my hackles since I first saw them at my local shopping mall.

If being healthy was really about being healthy, it wouldn’t matter what you wear while you’re getting healthy. But consumerism fucks up everything; trendy name-brand workout gear is mandatory to demonstrate your commitment and passion for being healthy. You are not the sum of your actions (i.e. working out), you are the sum of your outfit (i.e. LOOKING like you work out).

It’s not enough that women need to be skinny, but in order to get there we ought to shell out our hard-earned cash for overpriced third-world-made clothing too. And for what? Why? Your muscles do not work harder while wearing designer clothes. Your heart does not pump harder if the Lululemon logo is displayed on your ass. I just don’t understand what the point is.

But my personal rant aside, Lululemon’s policy is terrible. Skinny does NOT equal healthy. Healthy equals healthy. :P

CBC Fail

Really, CBC? In what universe is that a relevant or appropriate cover photo for the headline next to it?? A young man died and you advertise it with tits? BOOURNS! So tasteless.