Food and Eating: Part 2

The hardest food for me to resist isn't chocolate or pie or potato chips or poutine. The hardest food for me to resist is food that is free.

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Since 2015 began I've been parktakng in a fairly regular exercise routine. I go over to my future SIL's house after work (3 times a week), she feeds me dinner, then we do an hour or so of pilates, Brazilian butt-lift, cardio, or good old fashioned bicep curls. The only times I've ever been able to keep up an exercise routine was when another person was expecting my participation. And when the other person was at least less lazy than me. ;) Anyways, I've been on this routine, nothing too strenuous but 1 hour of moderate exercise is much better than 0 hours of any kind of exercise.

As of a few weeks ago, I'm actually starting to see results in my body. Not only can I handle more physical activity than when I started, but I've noticed my calves are more defined, my butt is nicely rounded, and I can just barely start to see my abs appearing. I haven't lost any weight; in fact I've gained quite a bit since Christmas 2014, but I'm guessing it's mostly muscle. Nevertheless, seeing my body change is great positive reinforcement. It's encouraging me to do my own research into what fitness practices are the best for me, and how to maintain the good habit I've got going.

Unfortunately, it's impossible to do any research about exercise without seeing a lot of advice about diet. And lord have mercy, that there is a complicated subject for me. Food is complicated. My relationship with food is complicated. And money is to blame.

When I first started working out, I was going in with the mentality: "If I exercise and burn calories, that will give me the freedom to cram all kinds of bad foods down my gullet!" But diet isn't just about calories. No matter how much cardio I do, that doesn't erase all the sodium I've consumed. I don't want cholesterol clogging my arteries or weak bones from lack of calcium. Any foundation I lay in my 30s will have a big pay-off when I'm in my 40s. So... I bit the bullet and re-downloaded the old food diary app I'd had back in 2012, ready to improve my health not just with physical activity but with watching what I ate as well.

When I last used the app in 2012, I was 10 pounds lighter and struggling to maintain my weight. I remember it would be like 9:30pm and I'd be scratching my head in the kitchen, wondering what I could eat last minute to reach my daily caloric intake. Now, I'm older and metabolically slower. And in the last 3 years I've trained myself (ironically) to cram more food into my mouth.

Growing up, I never had much of an appetite. Eating was a chore I got little pleasure from. As I hit my late 20s and rejected culinary austerity, delicious things were much more... delicious. It's almost as if my brain is somehow wired differently now. It's possible that due to living on my own for almost 10 years now, I either have a better appreciation for deliciousness... or I've been denying myself in my lazy, single bachelorette-dom and crave everything I can't have.

As much as I've lacked rigor when it comes to exercise and diet, such rigor always came easily to me in matters of money. To be honest, I do well with frugality. I feel a smug sense of satisfaction every time I walk away from a nice dress or cute shoes or quality makeup or takeout Chinese food. And there's the issue when it comes to food: if the food is free, the shackles of my restraint are released and I fill myself up like I never would in my own house or in a restaurant. Restraint is for your pocketbook, not your stomach. Spend like a miser, eat like a king (but not on your own dime).

Of course, I can’t ignore the fact that I am too damn lazy to care for cooking. Everyone has something they don’t care to invest time in, whether it’s cleaning the bathroom or money management or decorating their house. Cooking is my thing I’d love to outsource, of all the chores it’s the one that causes me the most apathy in me. I will be one of those secretly grudging and resentful cooks for the rest of my life, but unlike my mother my food won’t taste nearly as good!