Yesterday I went to the mall after work to pick up some gray tights. As I was going from store to store, searching for something that fit the bill, I ran into a man who was giving out free samples of something. I automatically associate free samples with food, so I picked up the cup only to find it was hand cream, not a snack. Still, free hand cream isn’t all that bad. But that’s when he started his pitch.
Him: “Oh, are those your natural nails?”
Me: “... Yes.”
Him: “Then I simply have to show you something! Come over to our booth and I’ll show you.”
So I walk over there, no idea what he’s going to do, when he tells me to hold out my right hand. He then busts out this buffing block and starts filing the surface of my thumbnail, going on and on about their patented smoothing system that gets rid of lines and ridges until your nails are shiny and smooth.
Him: *finishes* “Well, isn’t it shiny?”
Me: “Well, yeah, it is shiny.”
Him: “So what do you think of our product?”
At this point I was sorely tempted to reply with: “Ugh, it isn’t enough that women have to worry that our hair isn’t glossy enough, that our skin isn’t flawless enough, that our waist lines are not small enough, that our boobs are not big enough, that our eyelashes are not thick and lustrous enough, that our lips are not luscious and plump enough... we have to worry that our fricking nails are not smooth enough?! Stop enabling the patriarchy!”
But I doubt that would have gone down very well, so I told him the other truth, that I actually really don’t like the sensation of something rough or textured rubbing against the surface of my nail, it weirds me out and is vaguely uncomfortable. I walked away then, relieved that he wasn’t going to buff my nails any further.
Unfortunately, it’s the next day and now I can’t get over the fact that I have One Really Smooth & Shiny Nail. The asymmetry is driving me nuts! :P
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