Blog Topic #10 - Somebody Has To Say It

The best way to enjoy life, to truly see it for the beauty it holds, is to live in the present.

When we live in the past, we’re focused on what has already happened and cannot be changed. We fixate on mistakes made, words we wish we could take back, ways we were wronged. Living in the past will keep you depressed and angry.

When we live in the future, we become focused on the unknown. Life isn’t easily predicted or controlled, there are no simple outcomes, and fate likes to throw us curveballs too. Living in the future will keep you anxious and unsatisfied.

But when we live in the present, when we stop and contemplate the moments passing us by at this very second, the small grandeurs of the universe are revealed to us. We have weathered tempests and arrived. We are exactly where we are supposed to be.

So for today, if only for today, don’t dwell on what has passed and don’t fret about what is yet to come. Today is a gift, enjoy it. :)

Blog Topic #25 - Books I Want to Write

I have so many ideas for this topic because apparently one of my favourite past-times is starting novels I have no intention of finishing, lolsob.

1. This one is the shining jewel of my ideas. So you know the story of Rani Padmini and the sacking of Chitoor? What if there was one young noble-woman who couldn’t go through with the mass immolation and escapes instead? And she seeks asylum at a brahmin’s ashram, where she learns that he is secretly training a new generation of Rajput soldiers to fight against the invading Mughals. She starts to fall for one of the dashing young soldiers and ends up taking on the role of spy and infiltrating the Shah’s court by being his Begum’s maid. And then her she sneaks her paramour in to help him murder the Shah but they’re both CAUGHT and EXECUTED, THE END. God I love this story haha. Too bad I’m bogged down by historical accuracy, or lack thereof.
2. My second favourite idea is this epic eastern-fantasy type novel. It’s the story of a man who’s cursed to slowly turn into a demon, but really it’s about a girl who used to be the court dancer of the gods and was cursed to live in the body of a hawk. Together, they traverse the kingdom searching for a cure, all the while outsmarting suckers, battling with their inner darkness, and possibly falling in love as well. But just as their quest comes to an end, the girl turns evil and tries to usurp the power of the gods, but the man stops her, but it’s too late, they’re both thrown into an inter-dimensional wormhole. They pop out on the other side and end up in OUR WORLD, and then have to struggle with their new reality and FIND EACH OTHER. Another really awesome story that got bogged down by logistics, because I started thinking things like “is this racist against Persians?!” Sigh.
3. Oooh, this one's pretty cool. So imagine an alternate universe, medieval-esque Spain where magic and potions and sorcery are an everyday occurrence. There's this poor orphan girl who's going to magic school but she's kind of weak sauce power-wise but very creative and a good problem solver. One day her and a friend are fooling around with a book they find and cast a spell that somehow creates a portal. They walk through it and on the other side they find... a frazzled university physicist (in OUR world) who at the same time just happened to be smashing atomic particles. Didn't really know where the story went from there aside from the government and politicians and dastardly villains trying to take over the other universe in a grab for power, and it's up for the plucky main characters to stop them!
4. This one started out as fanfic and morphed into something else completely. Again in a fantasy world, a young warrior is out hunting when he comes across a woman passed out by the river. She doesn't look anything like his tribes-people but he takes her back to his primitive village and nurses her back to health. She doesn't know anything about their world and has lost her own memory as well, but long story short they bond and fall in love. Years pass and she's basically one of them until one day she's like "EVERYONE FLEE NOW *UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE*" and then giant mecha spiders descend upon the village and kidnap a bunch of people and it's up to our young strapping warrior to rescue his woman and find out what the ever loving hell is going on. (Hint: advanced secretive society that likes to build giant mechanized spiders and wants to take over the rest of the primitive world.)
5. At some point I conceived a stream-of-consciousness type novel that was loosely based on my own life but mostly inspired by JPod by Douglas Coupland. Think young woman working at a terrible tech support firm with the best bunch of pot-smoking, car-stealing, shenanigan-having friends a mid-twenties woman could ever have. But I'm not even a fan of books with no plot, so writing it was more an exercise in narcissism than anything else. ;)
   

Product Review Time!

I’m the kind of person that companies love, in the sense that when it comes to brand loyalty I’m the ideal customer. Once I find a product I like, I will buy it over and over again without much reconsideration. I may even end up filling my life with an assortment of products from a specific company just because I like what they do. I’m a creature of habit, ultimately. Which is why it’s surprising that I decided to branch out and try a couple new things from my local drugstore.

1. Perfect example of my brand loyalty: when I was 18 I got a free sample of Glycomed hand lotion and loved it so much that I used nothing else for the next 14 years! But for some reason when my last bottle ran out I decided I was done with Glycomed, it wasn’t giving me the results I wanted and I didn’t care for the smell anymore. I did some research online and read some reviews and ended up buying Jergens Ultra Care moisturizing body lotion.
   Diagnosis – wow, I am seriously impressed! Within a couple days my skin was already feeling smoother and softer than it had been in a long time, and now that it’s been about a week the appearance of my skin is less cracked and dry-looking as well. It even feels warm on my skin when I first put it on. Smell is nice, no complaints there.
   Overall rating: 9/10 (it’s so good I recommended it to my mother!)
2. My hair has been fairly oily for as long as I can remember, which meant as a teenager I couldn’t stand going a single day without shampooing my hair. But I’ve come to realize how terrible that actually is for my hair and I’ve switched to rinsing (and not shampooing) my hair every other day. But my hair hasn’t gotten quite used to this change yet, so on the second day it looks fairly oily. I’ve been thinking about getting a dry shampoo to alleviate this problem but I’ve got black hair and most dry shampoos are white powders. Then one day I saw Mark Anthony’s Clear Dry Shampoo on sale and thought I’d give it a shot, despite the lack of reviews.
   Diagnosis – uhh, it doesn’t do a thing! I shake it up and spray it on and nothing happens, my hair is just as flat and oily as before. Even the nice smell of the dry shampoo wears off within a few minutes. Clearly I should have gone with Klorane like the internet advised me. Maybe next time.
   Overall rating: 3/10 (at least it doesn’t make my hair look worse?)

Masterlist: Blog Project

I was taking a look at this blog recently and noticed there has been a precipitous drop in how frequently I've posted in the last couple years. I went from around fifty posts in 2010 to approximately twenty posts in 2011 to a measly six posts in 2012! I know the reason for this (I blogged so much because I was bored and spent most of my free time at the computer... not the case anymore) but at the same time I want to rectify the situation somewhat and find a happy medium.

Therefore, I am going to schedule a bunch of posts (selected topics courtesy of 100 Blog Topics I Hope YOU Write) and hopefully that will get the creative juices going. I need more creativity back in my life!

Niche Dance Videos: A YouTube Compilation

It's no secret that I am a big fan of dance music. Not to be hipster about it, but I was into David Guetta before he was collaborating with rap stars and such. ;) Anyway, I've noticed that there are a number of dance videos out there with a common theme of "young woman throws off the shackles of her day job and parties instead". Makes sense, because let's face it, dance music makes us want to party! So I thought it would be nice to start a running playlist on YouTube. Presenting: "Work Sucks, Dance Instead", for your viewing enjoyment. Be warned, most of the videos are NSFW. Dance music might be awesome on the ears but for the eyes... well, there's a lot of T&A to contend with. :P

Another iPhone App Round-up!

Here are the apps I am currently digging! Nothing like the warm glow of your iPhone screen to keep you warm on these pseudo-winter nights when it should be breezy but it's snowing instead. ;)

Overgram – As the name suggests, this app ties in with Instagram. All it really does is allow you to add text to a square photo and then save/import to Instagram. But if you're an Instagram/graphic design addict like me (and you like to quote shit a lot) then this is the app for you. Added bonus: when you import to Instagram your share will be pre-populated with a crapload of hashtags designed to get you tons of likes. There are varying levels you can upgrade this app to; 99 cents lets you remove the watermark, $1.99 opens up more font choices. || Check them out! - @Overgram


InstaWeather Free – Another app that ties in with Instagram! This one allows you to take a photo and the app will add your location and weather forecast to the image, then you can ship it off to Instagram for sharing. Perfect for bitching about unexpected snowstorms or rubbing in your tropical vacation. ;) I'm using the free version, the Pro version removes the watermark and releases other layouts for the forecasts.
|| Check them out! - @InstaWeatherApp


Robotek – Now onto games! The premise here: robots have taken over the earth and you have to use some hacked robots of your own to take over various "nodes" around the globe. It's a turn-based strategy fighting game with great music and lots of creativity. Gets repetitive after a certain point though, and later on the enemies get so hard you can't go forward without in-game purchases.


Supermagical – A bubble-blaster type game with a little twist on the controls and a very cute storyline. Be warned: the twist in controls makes this game a lot harder than most, plus you run out of coins very quickly, making in-game purchases necessary again.


Dungelot Lite – Dungeon crawling distilled to the essentials. I have the Lite version where you can only choose 2 of the 5 character types but even then it's still really fun to play. Basically, ye find yeself in yonder dungeon and have to battle monsters, find keys and treasure, rescue villagers, etc. No storyline, just pure dungeon. The mechanics for the dungeon crawl are a little similar to Minesweeper, which is an interesting twist.

Oh How Times Have Changed

I know I am super late to the Bollywood game but I finally saw the video for Fevicol Se from Dabangg 2 and I have A LOT OF THOUGHTS I need to share with the internets. First off, watch it yourself:

I have to admit that I was basically expecting Munni Badnam Part 2 and I love Malaika Arora for what she does with item numbers, so when the song started and Kareena's doing her thing I was like "hmm, meh... this seems low budget somehow."

Then Salman shows up and a lightbulb went off. This is a throwback tribute to the picturizations of the early 80s. Munni Badnam has a certain sense of intentionalness to it, as scripted as you can possibly get when Salman is involved haha. Fevicol Se strikes me as being less about us watching a performance and more about us watching Kareena and Salman having fun. It's supposed to make you remember the silliness of those old movies you used to watch as a kid/teen. It's a nostalgia trip! And it's unpolished in a wonderful sort of way. (See: Wabi-sabi.)

Also, ACTUAL INDIAN BACKUP DANCERS FOR KAREENA. Yes! More of that! I am so sick of seeing all these goris up in the club, it's distracting and I'm done with it. And I have to give Kareena props for her dancing; I remember how much me and my sister used to mock her non-existent dancing skills, look how far she's come! *hat tip*

And finally, LOL those lyrics had me cackling. Tandoori murgh? Namkeen butter? FEVICOL? SERIOUSLY?! LMAO brilliant. :D

People Are People

Similar to how I give props to certain iPhone apps that I like, I thought it would be nice to do the same for people on Twitter. You know, like a Five Friday Friends to Follow, but all I’ve got is three people LOL.

@Shakestweetz – Melissa McEwan: The premier lady of righteous progressive awesome, she runs the blog Shakesville as well, which is my favourite community for feminist sanity.

@cleolinda – Cleolinda Jones: The premier lady of pop culture geekery. I’ve been following her LJ for years so it was only natural to follow her over to Twitter as well.

@antoniaZ – Antonia Zerbisias: she calls herself an ecofeminist and I think the term is a good fit; my favourite columnist for the Toronto Star, she brings the leftist awesome with a Canadian twist.

Bleep Bloop

I think it's about time I once again shared the apps that I'm currently in love with!

Puzzle Craft – This game actually costs money but it was free one weekend so I downloaded it. Basically it’s Farmville meets Bejewled LOL. You have to play two kinds of matching games that grant you resources to grow your own little personalized village. It’s not very difficult, the sounds and music are wonderful, plus it’s a creative idea.


Songza – I’m pretty sure everyone and their dogs has this app by now. The premise is that you can find free musical playlists customized based on what you’re currently doing or what mood you’re in. You can find pretty much any kind of music, from 70’s blues to classic Bollywood to the latest progressive trance. A wonderful resource to discover new music or just set the mood.


Tweegram – Sometimes I don’t want to Instagram a photo, I want to Instagram a quote. When I do I turn to Tweegram, which allows you to type the text, give it a pretty background, and then import to Instagram (or Twitter/Facebook directly if that’s what you want). It’s convenient and the free backgrounds are rather nice; the app definitely fulfills my very particular needs. ;)


Houzz – So you’ve bought a house but need design inspiration, what do you do? Download this app and let the inspiration and pretty designs carry you away! Scroll through thousands of photos of bedrooms and kitchens, or search for that perfect oak headboard you’ve been hankering for. If you sign up with Houzz, you can even save your favourite photos.


Cinemagram – It’s like Instagram but with 2 seconds of animation. Take a video and then highlight what parts of the video you want to keep the animation going and which parts you want to stay static. This tweaking allows for all sorts of interesting/wacky/freaky video to be created, plus you can add filters to give it that hipster look LOL.

I Dreamed A Dream Of Asian Sensations

I know, it’s been a while. But I needed a place to blab about this hilarious dream I had last night.

In my dream, my sister and I somehow won a contest where we could tag along with CL from the Kpop group 2NE1 while she travelled to various young girl’s houses all over South Korea in an attempt to find the group’s fourth member as part of reality show. Yes, for some reason my dream took place in the early 2000’s but me and my sister were our current age. The group only consisted of Minzy, CL, and Park Bom, no Dara yet, so technically I already knew the outcome haha. We were on this tour bus with CL and 10 other excited Korean fangirls who also won the contest, when we pull up to this huge mansion. An older man answers the door and he’s like “oh you must be here for my son... G-Dragon.” LMAO 4EVER.

Anyway Ji-yong aka G-Dragon swags downstairs to meet CL and there’s friendly hugs and he’s like “yo girl, I found the perfect fourth member for 2NE1, lemme get on the bus and direct you to her house, I’mma give her a call and let her know you’re coming with your fans and cameras.” So he gets on the bus with us all and there’s so much Korean being spoken that me and my sister are kind of lost, but everyone is being really cute and perky so we’re enjoying ourselves regardless haha.

We get to Dara’s house and GD does the introductions between her and CL as we all cram into her living room. We can tell she’s nervous but she just sits down at a piano and starts playing AND singing at the same time. It’s some Korean song but about two lines in, me and my sister give each other a look that says “wait, why do I know this tune?” In fact I start humming along and all the Korean fangirls are giving me weird looks like “how does this Indian Canadian girl know this?” Anyway, CL is clearly impressed with Dara’s singing and after she’s done they just start chatting like they’re old friends and then CL points out that I was humming along with the song, so me and my sister are like “we know this song! There’s an English version! Maybe you guys stole it?” and the conversation continues in stilted English and we’re talking about how both Korea and India have a history of stealing popular English tunes and inserting their own words, hahaha!

Then CL invites Dara to come on the bus with us back to Seoul and on the way we stop at a wildlife preserve and GD ends up wrestling an alligator. The end. :D

The Love Keeps Growing

Time for me to share my favourite iPhone apps of the moment.

1. KingCamera – This app has some of the best filters ever. Not only can you tweak things like contrast, saturation, etc. but there's pre-set gradients and overlay layers and stuff I don’t even know how to explain, all I know is that it makes my photos look PRETTEH. ;) I've had compliments quite a few of my creations with this app and that really says it all.


2. Frametastic – This is an app that allows you to stick multiple photos within various frame setups, which is especially nice if you don't want to spam your feed with a ton of really similar photos. I've been using this app in conjunction with Instagram a lot when I'm taking photos of my nails; I take one pic with flash and one without, but instead of posting both I just combine them together in one frame, then add a filter in Instagram and voila!


3. Forestville - My current game obsession! It's basically a spin-off of Farmville; you have to discover different species of animals and build a forest town by farming and building businesses. It's strangely addictive and incredibly cute, very kid friendly. My only major complaint with the game is that it's MASSIVELY GLITCHY. I can't even remember how many times I've been in the middle of restocking my shops when the game shuts down or gets stuck in a loop. So beware!


4. EEBA - The acronym stands for the Easy Envelope Budget Aid. It's an app that lets you set up your monthly (or weekly) budget, and then tracks how much you spend and how much money is left in your allocation as time goes by. Incredibly powerful and quite nifty! I haven't quite gotten into the nitty gritty of this app simply because I have an Excel spreadsheet I use for this stuff, but I can see right away how fantastic the app would be for those in need of a good tracking system.


5. Meernotes - A very simple app, but the best things in life are simple aren't they? This is basically a diary app; you choose your font and just start typing. The app also allows you to sort what you right into different coloured tabs, and if you want you can have multiple notebooks for multiple writings. Great for jotting down thoughts that come by, I can really see myself using this if I get back into writing my novel.

Bollywood Movie Review: Agneepath (2012)

I don't usually watch Bollywood movies and have a whole lot to say about them, but for some reason my brain can't stop thinking about this movie. To start off, let me say that I liked it. It wasn't particularly spectacular or mind-blowing but I did find the movie to be enjoyable. Then again, I haven't seen the original Amitabh version, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. ;)

If you don't want to be spoiled for the rest of the movie then I would suggest not reading forward! It's pretty long review too. Apparently I had more thoughts than I originally realized.

You could tell just by watching this movie that it was a remake of a 70s Amitabh movie, simply by virtue of the story/plot as well as Hrithik's acting method... STOIC VENGEFUL YOUNG MAN. Of course, Hrithik being Hrithik he also showed emotion as only he can: with those wonderfully wounded soulful eyes of his. Ahem. But I digress. Yes, great emotionality, especially anything concerning his family. The scene where he sits outside his mother's house wolfing down her food and confesses to Kaali that he's been waiting 15 years for his mother to love him is quite the tear-jerker. Hrithik does a great job of balancing Vijay's cold-hearted killing with the love he has for those close to him.


"I may be a stoic killer, but wait till you see me dance!"
Priyanka was enjoyable in the role of Kaali. She kept the peace and cheered Vijay up, and the audience laughed their assess off when she preened like a peacock or yapped away. I think she looked fantastic and her outfits were all pretty as well. The picturization for Gun Gun Guna was one of the best parts of the movie; I definitely wouldn't mind having it on a song DVD. And to be honest, when she suddenly died I was really sad, mostly because I thought: "she died before consummating her marriage with the hotness of Vijay? THERE IS NO HUMANITY!" :P But after the movie I watched the picturization for "O Saiyan" (which was cut from our version of the movie) and realized that they had consummated the relationship, so I was satisfied, hahaha.


"Pay no attention to my extremely botoxed lips!"
But without a doubt, the movie belonged to Sanjay Dutt. He was pure nightmare fuel as Kancha, a heartless monster who used the Bhagavad Gita to explain and rationalize his lack of morals. O_o That was one of the most interesting aspects of the movie actually, just seeing how the unquestioningly evil villain could twist Krishna's words about removing desire and attachment to attain bliss and enlightenment into a rationale for unchecked profiteering, power, and cruelty. Kancha was absolutely wacked out of his gourd and I still sort of don't believe that Vijay could have killed him because DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT GUY?


"We wants more cocaine, preciousssss..."
This review wouldn't be complete without mention of the songs, specifically Katrina Kaif's item number "Chikni Chameli". In my opinion: a big fat meh. The dancing wasn't that great and I don't even really like the song all that much. I feel like the combination of Katrina dancing for a song sung by Shreya didn't give the song that low-down dirrrty factor they were going for. Katrina does great item numbers, but she has a certain amount of sexy class when she does them. And Shreya's voice was just somehow too innocent sounding for a hot item number. I find it interesting that in this movie Shreya did a typical Sunidhi song and Sunidhi did a typically Shreya song (Gun Gun Guna).


"What I am doing in this movie? Even I don't know."
While we're on the topic of the songs, I just want to say that I really liked the song "Shah Ka Rutba", it's a great qawali and quite catchy. Actually, it's interesting that there's one mega-Muslim song (Shah Ka Rutba) and one mega-Hindu song (Deva Shree Ganesha) in the movie.

Some final thoughts. It was interesting to see Rishi Kapoor in such a horrible role, he played a great villain... I still haven't recovered from how he was trafficking those poor young girls, so disgusting! The movie had some great shots that I'd love to turn into desktop wallpaper too; the one that sticks out in my mind is when Lala is in the hospital and Vijay comes back to the head-quaters to sit in Lala's seat. The background is a dark green and there's a rich maroon blanket draped over the chair and the spotlight hits Hrithik just right... *_*

Alright, enough my gushing! As far as criticisms go, the one thing that I couldn't ignore is that movie has a very dated plot, but it's a remake so you can't really help that. It's a very long movie, almost three hours, and the first half seemed to drag a bit more than the second half. It was also quite a melodramatic movie, but again I sort of knew it was coming because Karan Johar directed it. ;)

Overall, I'd give this movie an 8.0/10. Solid movie with good songs and some awesome acting, just remember that you will basically be watching an overwrought 70s remake. ;)

Ring It In

Happy New Year! I hope everyone celebrated in their own appropriate way, whether it was a quiet night at home, a rocking dance club, or in my case a house party that featured a room where everyone was playing Rockband and a room where everyone was watching K-Pop videos on YouTube. :D

As it were, I have once again fallen down the K-Pop rabbit hole and have a few very lovely videos to share. Two are done in a very sleek, muted style while the other two are in a bright and boppy style. Love them all!

1. Girls' Generation (SNSD) - Gee


2. Brown Eyed Girls' - Abracadabra


3. HyunA - Bubble Pop!


4. HyunA & HyunSeung - Trouble Maker


Bonus music commentary: I saw Jessie J's new video Domino and it's like... dude are you sure someone didn't switch the audio out for a Katy Perry song?! WTF LOL.

Unbalanced

Am I the only one who gets frustrated that my right shoe is always a little more worn out than my left shoe because it’s my right foot that shuffles between the pedals in my car and gets all scraped up? I bought some boots a little over two weeks ago and the right boot already has a scuffed bald patch on the back! Bah, the perils of being a frequent driver. It’s the asymmetry of the shoes being different, asymmetry has always bothered me. Maybe one of these days I’ll show some pictorial evidence. It really is unacceptable!

Put Yourself In The Corner!

PEOPLE, we need to SIT DOWN and TALK. Why? Because this article exists: Anti-bullying bill a front for ‘sex education’ agenda, group says.

My first response: LOL. My second response: SIGH, where to begin? The crux of this article is a bunch of religious dweebs complaining that they don’t want kids to know that bullying their gay peers is wrong because learning about gay people will OMG TEACH THEM GAY PEOPLE EXIST or something? I don’t even know. But there was one particular quote that really got my beef.

There is a time and place for everything, said Rondo Thomas, of the Evangelical Association, but there is no “time and place” in an 8-year-old’s mind to try to make them conceptualize something beyond “tying their shoes.”

I can’t understand why someone would actually admit that they think kids are DUMB USELESS BABIES who CAN’T DO SHIT. It boggles the mind, especially when in fact children have a wonderful capacity to parse the world around them, much more than adults ever give them credit for. Of course they need guidance from parents and such but do people even realize how much an 8 year old understands about the world? It’s a lot yo. They’re pre-teens, not toddlers.

Can't Get Enough Of These Things!

Enough time has passed that I believe it’s time for another episode of me suggesting what free iPhone apps y’all should download. I’ve got a few lovely ones to share today. My apologies if they are not free anymore. :P

1. Asteroid Blaster - I’ve always loved that game Asteroids; this updated version of the game released by Atari is a total gem, especially since it’s free. In addition to the game we all know and love, there’s the ability to unlock power ups, new sectors, and different ships. The learning curve gets very steep (I’m kind of stuck right now) but it’s so pretty and engaging that I’m willing to plug through with it.


2. Pocket Camera - I actually deleted Camera Sharp because I loved this new app so much! It has waaaaay more options than Camera Sharp ever had, like changing the metering and the focus, all kinds of resolution options, and of course the ability select timers and focus. Unfortunately I think this app is no longer free; I can only find it as Pocket Camera Pro in the iTunes store.



3. Snapseed - Aside from Instagram, this is my go-to photo editing app because of one special capability: CROPPING. It allows me to crop the image as I see fit, or even leave it in its native landscape/portrait orientation, as opposed to the perfect squares of Instagram. And for that, I thank it. It's also great for doing just minor fixes and tweaks on photos, when you don't want to get all artistic but just want a nice clear photo.


4. How Stuff Works - This free app is surprisingly awesome because it gives you access to host of amazing podcasts. As someone who is often stuck in a long commute, sometimes I switch the radio off and turn my iPhone up and listen to something from the Stuff Your Mother Never Told You series, a series that generall warms my little feminist heart. ;) Other rocking podcasts can be found under Stuff To Blow Your Mind and Stuff From The Future, but they're all brilliant really. Highly recommended for those of us who want to learn something interesting for 20 minutes. :)


5. Craftgawker - As a crafty crocheter, sometimes it pays to get creative inspiration from areas other than just crocheting, in which case I dip into the lovely visual distraction that is this app. It's basically just a pile of photos (with link) to all kinds of crafting projects online, from making your own buttons to a how-to on turning old tires into a retro kitsch lamp. :)

Damned Lies

Every day I run into so many ridiculous gender misconceptions that it’s hard to keep them all straight. But there is something I really just want to put to rest right about now. Are y’all ready for it?

Fact: if a man holds his girlfriend or wife’s purse for two seconds, his penis will not, I repeat NOT, fall off or shrivel up.

I know, it’s a revolutionary thought!

I’m talking to you, DJs on my morning radio. Saying that a man holding his girlfriend’s purse is the height of boyfriend emasculation strikes me as preposterous hyperbole. And I’m talking to you, commercial for Wiserhood whisky. Comparing a woman’s purse to dog shit, wow, how nice of you, thanks for the heads up that you hold my personal belongings in so much contempt.

Seriously though, if you think a dude’s manhood is in question if he simply holds a sack of shiny jeweled plastic, you might want to rethink your beliefs about what really makes a man a man. You know, like compassion and kindness? Think about it.

Major Lazer

So this past Friday, I got laser eye surgery! I've been dreaming about getting it since I was maybe 19 years old and it's always been something I've wanted to put my savings towards. The surgery itself went by ridiculously fast, even though I was kept waiting for about 3 hours the day of the surgery. The surgery itself wasn't even painful, just uncomfortable at times due to being blinded by bright and/or flashing lights. Oh, and then there was the part where I could smell the laser burning off my corneal flesh, ew. If anything, that was the grossest part. But otherwise? Easy peasy. The staff at the office kept asking: are you nervous? Do you want some Xanax? Hee. Naw, I was cool as a cucumber.

Initially things were pretty blurry and I wanted to keep my eyes closed a lot while sitting around and wearing protective sunglasses. There was also the complex system of eye drops I was required to take post-op; eye drops are never an issue for me but the steroid eye drops (to prevent inflammation) had a nasty freaking aftertaste that would drip down the back of my throat, causing me to go "BLECHHHHH I NEED FOOD TO WIPE AWAY THE GROSSNESS." ;) By the evening my eyesight had mostly returned and I was reading shit from meters away.

I woke up the next day with really dry eyes, but thankfully my intense regiment of eye drops fixed that. At my follow-up assessment, they told me my eyes were a vision (hah!) of perfect health and that my eyesight was at 20/15. I don't think I've ever been able to see that well. Ever! I've been wearing glasses since I was 8 years old, after all. This is probably the best I've ever been able to see in my entire life.

Right now, things are looking good. I've got a bit of eye dryness at night and in the morning, plus ghosting/starbursts when I look at bright lights at night, but typically those side effects fade away around 4 weeks after the surgery. I'm just watching that I don't rub my eyes (which is something I never realized I did all that much, but now that I can't do it I notice I want to do it A LOT), and I can't wear any eye makeup until my next post-op check up in a week. But it's stunning how quickly I've become a Person Who Can See Unaided. It's weird to wake up in the morning or be in the shower while being totally able to see everything, I keep wondering why the hell I'm wearing my contacts!

I'm sure I'll get used to it soon enough. :)

Imagine Life 10 Years From Now

Last night I was talking with a friend about jobs and the market and education and he brought up a point that someone had raised at one of his management meeting. The point was this: when we were in high school and university, educators were trying to train us for jobs that didn’t exist yet. So by the time we’d entered the labour force, there was a slew of jobs for things we hadn’t even envisioned. I could see exactly where he was coming from… no one told me in high school that I could have specialized in CCS and HTML and become a web/graphic designer in my late 20s because the field basically didn’t even exist at that point. High school “computer class” involved antiquated programming languages and using Lotus 1-2-3. :P

And today, another friend of mine mentioned that her university was looking for a professor of Social Media. Seriously, SOCIAL MEDIA. A PROFESSOR. What kind of wonderful world are we living in!? ;) It’s a crying shame that there are some awesome careers out there that didn’t even exist three or four years ago, so there’s no real way for people above a certain age to get into them without taking time off for re-educating themselves.

Guess I'll Go Home And Make Chicken Fingers Instead

Today, I felt like doing something interesting and different after work. I thought it might be a nice idea to take some random photos of trees and flowers in nearby parks, just as the leaves are starting to fall. I even began to google potential parks that are on my route home.

But then I thought: “What if something BAD were to happen to me? I don’t want that. And people would just say well you’re a petite, well-dressed woman, out on your own at dusk... you shouldn’t have been so reckless.”

So I’m not going. And THAT, my friends, is how the patriarchy works.